She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
