So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
