he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
