nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
