kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
