my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
