I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
