i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
