yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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