i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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