My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
