I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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