Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
