i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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