Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
