Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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