Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
