So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
