Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
