she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
