can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
