Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
