I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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