Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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