Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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