I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
