i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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