Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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