if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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