my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
