i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
