Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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