isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
