Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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