pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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