Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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