super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
