Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
