the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
