I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
