Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
