that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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