Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
