I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
