Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
