I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
