I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
