Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
