Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
