he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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